"Five more minutes!" At dinner, at bedtime, in the car. For many families, phone and tablet games have become the daily battleground. One parent bans them, the other gives in, the grandparents hand over the phone to keep the peace, and the child learns that the loudest protest wins. Is there a way to handle games that doesn't end in a fight every evening?
Games aren't the enemy
Let's start with some reassurance. For most children, playing games is not harmful in itself. In a study of almost 5,000 British children aged 10 to 15, those who played a little each day (under an hour) were slightly happier and better adjusted than those who never played. Those who played more than three hours a day were the least well adjusted. A 2022 study that tracked the actual playing time of adults found that time spent playing had little effect on well-being on its own.
What matters more than the clock is what children play, why they play, and what the games push them to do, especially to spend money or to keep coming back. Our guide Just one more level explains the design tricks behind casual games.
By age: what tends to work
Under 6. The WHO recommends no screen time under age 2, and no more than one hour a day of sitting screen time for ages 2 to 4, and says less is better. At this age, the most important things are play, movement, sleep and talking with adults. When there is screen time, it works best if you're next to them: talking about what's happening, not using the tablet as a babysitter during meals.
Ages 6–12. This is when clear, predictable rules help most: when, where and how long. Games stay in shared rooms, not bedrooms. Gaming time comes after homework, outdoor play and family time, not instead of them. Choose games by their PEGI rating (the age label on European games) and check the small notices underneath: "In-Game Purchases" and especially "Paid Random Items," the loot boxes that work like a slot machine. Turn on purchase approval on the phone or console, so nothing gets bought without you.
Teenagers. Rules imposed from above work less and less. Agreements work better. Sit down together, agree on limits that protect sleep, school and friendships, and write them down. Teenagers also need to manage their own time eventually, so gradually hand over more control as they show they can handle it.
Play with them
One of the most useful things a parent can do costs nothing: play together sometimes. In a US study of 287 families, girls who played video games with a parent showed less aggressive behaviour, fewer emotional problems and more helpful behaviour, and felt somewhat closer to their parent. Boys didn't show the same clear effect, and the benefits were weaker when parent and child played games rated for adults. It's one study and it shows a link, not proof, but it fits common sense: playing together turns games from a wall between you into something you share.
Even if you don't play, ask about the game. What do they like about it? Who do they play with? How does it make money? Children who can explain how a game tries to keep them playing are better at noticing it themselves.
Rules that tend to backfire
Total bans with no explanation often move gaming to a friend's house or under the covers. Research on strict limits alone is mixed. Rules work best when they come with conversation.
Using games as the main reward or punishment makes them even more valuable in a child's eyes.
Different rules from each adult teach children to negotiate with whoever is weakest. Agree on the basics together, grandparents included.
Stopping mid-level. Many games don't let you save at any moment, which is why "turn it off now" causes explosions. Give a warning and let them finish the round or level.
And your own phone
Children copy what they see far more than what they're told. If adults scroll through dinner and play games in bed, rules for children feel unfair, and they are. A family plan that includes the adults works better than one that only targets the kids.
Key numbers
- Under 1 hour a day of gaming went with slightly better adjustment in children than no gaming at all. More than 3 hours went with the worst. Przybylski, 2014
- 287 families: girls who played games with a parent showed fewer behaviour problems and more helpful behaviour. Coyne et al., 2011
The bottom line
Phone games are part of childhood now, and they don't need to be a war. Predictable rules that fit the child's age, a few technical settings, and a parent who is curious instead of only strict go a long way. A few starting points:
Make a family plan. Agree on when, where and how long, for everyone in the house. Write it down and stick it on the fridge.
Set up the phone before you hand it over. Turn on purchase approval and age limits in Google Family Link, Apple Screen Time or the console's family settings.
Protect sleep. No games in the hour before bed, and phones charge outside the bedroom.
Play together once a week. Let them teach you. You'll learn more about the game, and about your child, than from any rule.
Quick self-check for parents
- Does turning off the game usually end in a fight?
- Do you know which games your child plays, and their PEGI ratings?
- Can your child buy things in games without your approval?
- Do the adults in your house follow the same rules they set for the children?
- Is gaming cutting into your child's sleep, homework or time with friends?
- Have you ever played your child's favourite game with them?
This is not a diagnosis. These questions are meant to help you notice your family's patterns.
If gaming seems to be taking over your child's life, they're withdrawing from friends, school or sleep, or there are big outbursts whenever games are limited, talk to your paediatrician or a child psychologist.
References
- Coyne, S. M., Padilla-Walker, L. M., Stockdale, L., & Day, R. D. (2011). Game on… girls: Associations between co-playing video games and adolescent behavioral and family outcomes. Journal of Adolescent Health, 49(2), 160–165. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2010.11.249
- PEGI (Pan European Game Information). What do the labels mean? pegi.info
- Przybylski, A. K. (2014). Electronic gaming and psychosocial adjustment. Pediatrics, 134(3), e716–e722. doi:10.1542/peds.2013-4021
- Vuorre, M., Johannes, N., Magnusson, K., & Przybylski, A. K. (2022). Time spent playing video games is unlikely to impact well-being. Royal Society Open Science, 9(7), 220411. doi:10.1098/rsos.220411
- World Health Organization (2019). Guidelines on physical activity, sedentary behaviour and sleep for children under 5 years of age. who.int
About these sources
These 5 sources were published between 2011 and 2022, plus the current PEGI guide. Reliability: 3 high, 2 medium. High means a review of many studies, a large experiment or long-term study, or official data checked in the original. Medium means useful evidence with real limits, such as a small sample, a single point in time, or no peer review. How we choose and check sources.
Educational guidance, not diagnosis or medical care.