You're telling a friend something that matters to you. Halfway through, their eyes drop to the phone. "Go on, I'm listening," they say, still scrolling. You go on, but something has gone flat. Most of us have been on both sides of that moment. There's even a word for it: phubbing, from "phone" and "snubbing."
What phubbing is
Phubbing means paying attention to your phone instead of the person you're with. It's checking a message mid-conversation, scrolling at dinner, glancing at notifications while someone is talking, or keeping the phone in your hand "just in case." It rarely feels rude to the person doing it, because each glance is so short. To the person on the other side, it often says: something else is more interesting than you right now.
It happens everywhere: between couples on the sofa, between friends at a café, between parents and children at the dinner table, and in meetings at work.
An experiment at the dinner table
In Canada, researchers invited more than 300 people to have a meal at a restaurant with friends or family. Some groups were asked to keep their phones on the table. Others were asked to put them away. Nobody was told the study was about phones.
The people with phones on the table enjoyed the meal less. They felt more distracted and, surprisingly, a little more bored. The difference wasn't huge, but it came from one ordinary dinner. In a second study, people who were followed over a week got less pleasure from time with others whenever they were using their phones during it.
Interestingly, a phone that's simply lying there, untouched, doesn't seem to drain your brainpower. Our guide Your attention, one swipe at a time covers that research. What changes the moment is using it while someone is with you.
What it does to couples
In a US study of romantic partners, 46% said their partner phubbed them, and almost 1 in 4 said it caused conflict in the relationship. People who felt phubbed more often were less satisfied with their relationship.
A 2025 analysis brought together 52 studies with almost 20,000 people on partner phubbing. Across them, being phubbed by a partner went together with lower relationship satisfaction, less closeness and intimacy, and more conflict and jealousy. A separate review of 83 studies found that the effects of being phubbed were stronger among teenagers than adults.
These are mostly snapshots, so it's possible that couples who are already drifting apart also reach for their phones more. But the pattern is consistent, and it fits what people describe: it isn't one glance that hurts, it's the feeling of being regularly second to a screen.
Why we do it
Hardly anyone phubs to be rude. Phones are designed to pull us back: a buzz, a red badge, a feed that never ends. A pause in conversation, a moment of boredom or a slightly awkward silence is enough to trigger the reach. Many people also feel they have to be reachable all the time, for work, for family, for the group chat. And once one person at the table picks up their phone, others tend to follow, so it spreads.
Parents and children
Children notice too. Many describe the same thing adults do: a parent who is "there but not there" during meals, at the playground or at bedtime. Some respond by asking louder for attention, others by giving up and picking up their own screens. Parents aren't the only ones guilty of this: teenagers phub their parents too. A shared family rule tends to work better than one generation lecturing the other.
Key numbers
- 300+ people at a restaurant: those with phones on the table enjoyed the meal less. Dwyer et al., 2018
- 52 studies on couples: being phubbed by a partner went together with lower satisfaction and more conflict. Ni et al., 2025
The bottom line
Phubbing is small in each moment and big over time. The good news is that it's one of the easiest phone habits to change, because the fix is visible and shared. A few ideas:
Phones away at meals. Not face down on the table, but in a pocket, a bag or another room. Make it a rule for everyone, adults included.
Say it out loud. If you really need to check something, say so: "Sorry, I need to answer this one, it's my mum." It turns a snub into a short, honest pause.
Notice the reach. When you feel the urge during a conversation, ask yourself what you're escaping: boredom, awkwardness, or just habit.
Talk about it, kindly. If you feel phubbed, say how it feels rather than accusing: "I miss you when we're both on our phones."
Quick self-check
- Do you check your phone during meals with other people?
- Do you glance at notifications while someone is talking to you?
- Has a partner, friend or child ever complained that you're "always on your phone"?
- Do you keep your phone in your hand or on the table when you're with others?
- Do you feel ignored when people around you are on their phones?
- Do evenings with your partner often end with both of you scrolling?
This is not a diagnosis. It's a way to notice your own patterns.
If phone use has become a regular source of conflict in your relationship or family, a couples or family therapist can help you find rules that work for everyone.
References
- Dwyer, R. J., Kushlev, K., & Dunn, E. W. (2018). Smartphone use undermines enjoyment of face-to-face social interactions. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 78, 233–239. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2017.10.007
- Ni, Y., et al. (2025). A meta-analytic study of partner phubbing and its antecedents and consequences. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, 1561159. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1561159
- Nuñez, T. R., & Radtke, T. (2024). Is socially disruptive smartphone use detrimental to well-being? A systematic meta-analytic review on being phubbed. Behaviour & Information Technology, 43(7), 1283–1311. doi:10.1080/0144929X.2023.2209213
- Roberts, J. A., & David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134–141. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2015.07.058
About these sources
These 4 sources were published between 2016 and 2025. Reliability: 3 high, 1 medium. High means a review of many studies, a large experiment or long-term study, or official data checked in the original. Medium means useful evidence with real limits, such as a small sample, a single point in time, or no peer review. How we choose and check sources.
Educational guidance, not diagnosis or medical care.